This month has been a difficult one. Not different but difficult. It has been filled with worry and joy, regret and hope, and more worry. I am usually able to get quiet and pray in order to bring calm to my stomach and nerves. But, today those feelings are re-surging. I consider myself a person of great faith. I get very angry when I am filled with doubt. It begins to make me feel guilty for not believing in God enough. How can you have faith and be worried? How can you have faith and be fearful? I have no answer. There is a part of me that is not even seeking any. They will come at there own time. I just want these feelings to wash over me and find a home some place else. I know from previous experience that they will. But for now I need a bit more quiet.
I need to re-discover the reality that I am not in control and that God's timing is always better than mine. So I am going to breathe in and out. I am going to hug my daughter. I am going to tell my close friends that they are amazing . I am going to relish in the fact that I heard some beautiful music and inspired poetry. I was blessed to be in a room of artists who had love and calm oozing from their pores. That should be enough. That will be enough. A small experience that will assist me in my quest.
The quest to believe again. And that is all. Because that is enough.
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