Throw away that damn list and unattainable expectations

Can women climb the ladder of success and still have traditional expectations of prospective mates or spouses? I don’t think so. I believe that since Black women are graduating at higher numbers from college, and breaking the proverbial glass ceilings in corporate settings, then the relationships that they seek may look different. Women, who are financially stable, educated, and emotionally content may need a partner who supports them differently. Should they seek a financial, emotional, spiritual, or kindred match?

I have my views, but I also have some examples to share. I know someone who is the head chemist at a Black hair care corporation. She makes a nice 6 figure salary, and her spouse is a chef. He used to own his own catering company, but they decided financially it was more frugal for him to remain at home with their two young girls as her position became more demanding. Now this is not an exception, there are a lot of black men taking on different roles in the household. There are more couples that may not be educational matches, but mentally and spiritually they are ideal. How and what is happening? If I am able to make $200,000 annually, and someone I am dating only makes $50,000 is that an unfair match or one made in heaven? I am asking because there are still women and men seeking a traditional relationship in a nontraditional environment. I personally know men who are well read, and have a high school diploma and work a blue collar job. I also know women who have successful home businesses with a high school education, and a partner who works outside of the home earning less. If all of this exists, then what does that mean for relationships between Black men and women? Obviously, I believe that it is changing. In fact, for the last 15 years it has been changing, and some of us either has not noticed or ignored it.

In this new arena, the following is required:

1. Powerful women need and desire someone who supports them and is not easily intimidated

2. This new tradition requires partners who are willing to communicate openly, honestly, and explicitly

3. Career minded women need someone who is not intimidated or frightened by possible role reversal (Being a stay at home dad, or working a schedule that compliments rather than works against)

4. Those that are educated desire conversation, kindness, empathy, and open-mindedness.

5. They like a man who does not mind planning events, and being mindful of a schedule since theirs is usually very busy.

6. Lastly, Black men and women need to understand that being in a relationship requires an honest look at what both individuals are coming to the table with. Love is never enough, and it is okay if you have to keep looking until you find someone just for you

These are mere suggestions. The thread that walks through them all is that if you have been keeping a list of unrealistic expectations for that special someone now is a great time to toss them in the trash. Write a few things down based on where you are in your life right now. Ask yourself where you actually stand in terms of finance, emotions, spiritual growth, education, and personal baggage. Not where you imagine you should be, but where you are. Then seek someone who can offer balance to what actually exists in a meaningful, trusting and loving manner.