Remembering

A friend is no longer with us. He had a very kind heart and beautiful voice to match. He introduced me to the open mic scene here in Philadelphia and provided a path for me to sing. We did not talk every day, but our monthly check ins were always filled with new projects and goals. His sudden loss has made me think about many things. It has made me re-consider the frailty of life and that none of us are guaranteed anything, I am deeply saddened by the things he will never do, but grateful that I witnessed a few of his dreams come true during the short time that I knew him.

Please hug someone today
Eat something delicious
Read something inspiring
Make one item from your bucket list a reality
Pray ,Pray, Pray
Meditate, Meditate, Meditate
and Breathe

Christmas Love

This is a time for love, compassion, and understanding. Many of us get so wrapped up in getting gifts and going broke that we forget what is important. Embrace your friends and loved ones. Tell those in your life how much you love them and reach out to those that you may be estranged from. Forgiveness if for all, and it helps us to be better people. It helps us to move past the hurt and not repeat it with unsuspecting others.

I am sitting here watching Hallmark films and Its a Wonderful Life. Remember when Clarence said, "George you really did have a wonderful life?" I heard those words today and realized it is the simple things that we should reflect on as 2012 comes to a close. We should remember those amazing intimate relationships that made us laugh (even if they did not last). We should remember family dinners when your  favorite Uncle got drunk and begin dancing to the Temptations and telling stories. We should remember our child's first Christmas. You know the one where they played with the box all morning instead of all of the toys you bought. We should remember our first Christmas that we spent with our spouse/wife/partner and rekindle the reasons why we are still together. 

Most of all you should remember the moments when you were filled with doubt and pain. Yes! Those times when you felt the most alone and vulnerable. Think on the songs, prayers, faith, and sayings that pulled you out of the darkness back into the light. These are the moments that define us and help us to paint a better future.

Dare to dream this holiday season that you deserve love in your life. That you deserve to be loved. And that you will recognize it when it comes across your path.

I look forward to sharing more stories that inspire, encourage, and edify.

Seeking Joy

I have been very busy of late. Through my hectic schedule and attempting to squeeze everything in I have noticed a lack of joy and an abundance of anger. Not in my life, but in the faces of strangers and friends. Many people are trying to figure out how to find and add joy to their lives. In the news the anger in gun violence and hate speech, is running over in every city and snatching victims like candy from a baby. I have come to realize that the absence of joy and the proliferation of pain and anger are inherently connected.

First, we have to stop looking for something that does not exist outside of us. Joy can only be found within. Real joy. Not manufactured or temporary joy. I am talking about the feeling that wakes up with you every morning and falls to sleep with you every night. It is connected to how we see each other, how we treat each other, and how we speak to each other. It is not prejudice or unkind. It is honest and true. It is our ability to live with our fears and claim them as our own, as opposed to fighting them every step of the away.

On the polar opposite is anger. Anger is when fear bubbles out of control. It is when we are most uncomfortable with our surroundings and with the people in it. So instead of hugs we lash out hoping that it will make us feel better. We lash out with hateful words. We lash out by striking another. We lash out by shooting at others and ending a life. We become the grim reapers of souls because we are in a desperate search for our own heart and soul.

I am writing this because we need each other. This is a blog dedicated to relationships. Well we need to nurture and develop healthy relationships with each other, but it is not possible until we build one with ourselves first. That only occurs when we are able to stop being so angry and afraid of living. If we treat every day as if it may be our last, we may become unafraid to allow joy to enter our heart and mind. No self help book required. Just quiet reflection and knowing that you deserve happiness instead of death and despair.

Happy Mother's Day to the Single Mommies

May 13 is Mother's Day. In celebration of those who have been holding it down with an S on your chest alone, this is for you. There are millions of commercials showing mothers with their families and significant others. The media always has some sob story about how children are suffering at the hands of single parents. And most television shows would have you believe that single mommies are desperate and lonely. This is the truth that exists among the stereotypes and sadness that other folks would have you believe. This simple advice is for all of us.

Sunday is a holiday for you and your children. It is a time for reflection and for fun. If you are planning a day on a budget, there are lots that you can do right in your home or around your neighborhood. Start off the morning with a simple breakfast for you and the familia. After breakfast, get dressed and head outdoors. If you are near a local park, that is the destination. If you know of a park you always wanted to visit, then head there. Before you leave pack some snacks, drinks, chips and sandwiches. Do not forget your favorite dessert that will not be shared. (Remember it is still your day) After everyone has fun on the swings, slides, and running in a circle break out the blanket for your picnic. Yummy! Then lay on your backs and watch the clouds go by.

Once you are back home plan a movie for all of the babies or teens while you head to the bathroom for some much needed alone time. You will need a scented candle, some incense, and smelling salts of your liking (Dollar General has an amazing selection). Run yourself a much deserved bath, light the candles and incense and close the door. You can even add some music and give yourself 30 to 45 minutes in your own world. The children will be okay thanks to a DVD or On Demand.

After the bath, order from your favorite take out place. There will be no cooking this evening. Enjoy dinner and put the children to sleep. They will be very tired from the full day.

Remember this day is for you. Yes, you are a single mommy and proud. You can still enjoy YOU even when YOU are single and exhausted. At the end of the day right before you go to sleep wrap your arms around yourself and give it a squeeze. Tell yourself that you are amazing, joyful, loving, and human. There are things you wish you could do better, and there are things you should be proud of. Let this Mother's Day be the fresh start you were looking for. You deserve it. you earned it.

Happy Mother's Day single Mommies! Sending love and joy to you.

The Divine exists in us all

There is a spiritual aspect to loving relationships. It is represented by the masculine and feminine divinities within us all. It can exist with ego because the recognition of them both requires each of us to surrender to them both. Many of us are looking for superficial balance. This goes deeper and resembles s form of worship that can leave you joyful.

When we are able to recognize the Divine Masculine and the Divine Feminine within, then we are more open to meeting and honoring the Divine in others. It creates a love that completes you. One that supports and holds you up, and encourages you to reach your highest potential. We have observed it in couples that simply seem to vibrate with each other. Have you ever wondered what that was? And how you could manifest that in your life? It requires no trickery, manipulation, game-playing, or self-help relationship book. It simply requires you to honor love as the spiritual and divine entity that it actually is.

Love is not selfish. Love does not feel bad. Imagine the vulnerability that lies at the center of a woman or man when the Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine come together. In order for you to discover it you must dedicate yourself to truly loving yourself beyond the superficial. Beyond society’s rules and parameters. Beyond your limited scope. Intimacy that connects two individuals and leads to a connected physical and spiritual experience.

Stop making excuses for mediocre relationships, and stop settling for half love. All of us, regardless of our past experiences deserve to be loved wholly and fully. Each of us should be told several times a day from our significant other how wonderful we are, and no more excuses about how that mushy stuff does not exist. We deserve to be uplifted and cherished.

Arjuna Ardagh speaks about it best. Check out his article! And then Check out The Divine Masculine. Read The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz.  

Authenticity - The Truth

If you are not being truly authentic with your partner, then you may want to question why. Suppressing your honest self can be detrimental and a function of fear. So fearlessly love yourself enough to know that your quirks are just as beautiful as your strengths. And you should not be the only person in the relationship who appreciates them.

The definition of authentic is being real, not copied, or genuine. The purpose in all of our relationships is to be able to express ourselves honestly. You also have to take responsibility for your own responses and perceptions. For example, you may have a brother who is very kind, but only allows outsiders in so far to his inner emotional circle. Every time he meets someone new, and they become friends, the friendship is based on an understanding that this is how he operates. If one of his friends decides that his behavior makes them uncomfortable, then they can choose to walk away or remain and change their understanding. This is always true when we develop relationships with family, friends, peers, and intimate ones.  

The responsibility comes with the choices we make. Relating to others is not easy. It can sometimes be complex and beautiful simultaneously. We all choose how we will be or not be with another person. The choices we make on purpose are more important than our flaws and quirks. You meet a fellow artist at a party. You quickly become fast friends and realize that you have much in common. A month later the facades are removed, and you both begin to reveal more of yourselves to each other. Soon something happens that either hurts your feelings, or makes you question the value of the friendship. If you decide to continue being a friend to the person, then you should continue on that path without resentment with a clear understanding that you are responsible for your half of the relationship, and unable to change the other person.

This is a call for all of us to embrace who we truly are. Love ourselves through honest eyes, and never be afraid to dump our unnecessary baggage for a better you. Shit will not become Prada simply because you put some love and understanding on it. It’s still shit getting in the way of you realizing your greatest potential.

Tips to be authentic:

·         Listen and be observant

·         Be honest with yourself and others

·         Try your best

·         Do not make decisions based on fear

·         Recognize the difference between nonconstructive criticisms and insults

How Love can transform you...

Love is not malicious or manipulative. It gives one the courage to be honest, and it does not attempt to take advantage of someone.  All of our relationships create the canvas of any given society or community.  The small everyday relationships are microcosms of the whole. When we turn on the news and the top headlines are full of death, violence, and abuse then that demonstrates a failure in our ability to love one another. I realize that the American term love is overused and sometimes oversimplified because we only have one word to mean multiple things. It describes the emotion between a mother and a child, two lovers, a tasty dessert, an amazing play, a heartfelt poem, or a passionate song. We can use the word love to describe our feelings for all the above.

                

This entry addresses the love that Desmond Tutu utilized to transform the effects of apartheid on South Africa.  “We may be surprised at the people we find in heaven. God has a soft spot for sinners. His standards are quite low” (Tutu).  This takes me to the next point about forgiveness. Many of us are walking around with such heavy burdens from past hurt and disappointment that we refuse to love or simply find ourselves unable to.  All of us try our best including those who have wronged us. We owe it to ourselves to acknowledge the pain, forgive ourselves and our oppressors, and attempt to move on by sharing love one day at a time. War and revenge provide nothing but more pain, and devastation. It is easy to love when things are going swell, but the challenge is to find love when things are difficult and mired in fear. That is when true healing can begin, and we can begin to live more fully and openly.

               

“Dance as though no one is watching you. Love as though you have never been hurt before. Sing as though no one can hear you. Live as though heaven is on earth” (Don Miguel Ruiz).